If I were an SAT analogy

If I were an SAT analogy question, I would currently be this one:

Shauna : roomates ::
A) shoes : socks
B) cats : tuna
C) Elizabeth Taylor : ex-husbands
D) kid : karate

All of this is to say another roommate is moving out, and thus I'm calling it quit on this place. To paraphrase a friend: the universe is trying to tell me something. And that something is you need to fucking move already.

To sum up my experiences at this place, I moved in 7 months ago. A couple of days before I moved in, my original roommate's monster Cerberus dog bit Randy for no reason. That put quite a damper on things as you can imagine.

After that roommate moved out to get married and go have children for the dog to use as chew toys, I chose a guy that seemed nice and nerdy as my roommate. The first night he moved in I woke to find him standing in my doorway at 4:23 am, and it was all downhill from there. After not paying rent, he decided to let me know on the 15th that he ws moving to Philly for a job. When I finally went in his room to prepare to show it to potential roommates, I was pleased to discovered that it smelled like a gangrenous foot collector had been storing his wares there. Many weird things happened with this guy, but the bottom line is when I first met him he reminded of someone. I later realized that that someone was the creepy liver-eating dude Victor Tooms from the X-Files. He was probably trying to eat my liver that night I saw him in my doorway; good thing I woke up.

The last roommate to pass through here is a nice Frenchie named Marie. She's fine, but the same month she moved in, so did the middle-aged punk rocker bartenders next door. Who like to have parties at their house at 4 am on Mondays. This is when I discovered m walls were made of tissue paper. Actual tissue paper. When I forget to pick up some Charmin, I just take a few pieces of the bedroom wall to the bathroom with me. Much to say about them, but they are jerks and I am lazy. One of them broke into my roommates room by accident when drunk because he had lost his keys and thought it was his room, and he didn't even apologize. They're those kind of jerks.

Well, my Frenchie has found a cheaper apartment that isn't noisy, so looks like it's on the road again time for me. I intend to break my lease and move out, as clearly this place is not right for me. I'll move in with another roomie, and when I've saved up enough get my own pad I'll do that. I was very sad and overwhelmed this morning when looking at the listings on craigslist, and I'm sure I will be at other points during this process, but I'm looking forward to moving now. Maybe I'll find someplace where I'm comfortable and happy, that doesn't have grafitti on the front door and is not across the street from the projects, and where I don't have to hear my next door neighbor blowing his nose or blasting speed metal throught the walls. That's not too much to ask, is it?