What a way to start an autobiography

"The cradle rocks above an abyss, and common sense tells us that our existence is but a brief crack of light between two eternities of darkness. Although the two are identical twins, man, as a rule, views the prenatal abyss with more calm than the one he is heading for (at some forty-five hundred heartbeats an hour)."

Nabakov, from Speak, Memory.

Gotta love Nabokov, man. This line really moved me (i.e., gave me that special tingly feeling) when I read it yesterday. As did this one (proving that being Facebook friends with weird people whose only link to you is that they share your last name can sometimes be valuable):

"I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions."

So good! Augusten Burroughs, apparently. I guess I'll have to pick up some books from him, too.


Note: These two lines alone made up for the entire shitty romance novel I read before bed last night. Although it was the most meta romance novel I've ever read, so I guess that counts for something.

I need to invest in ninja throwing stars

I need to invest in throwing stars so when jerks on the street yell out "Excuse me miss, you dropped something," because they think they're funny I can bend over, pull a throwing star out of my ankle holster, and then chuck it at them.

Yes, these are the kinds of plans I come up with to combat catcallers.

UPDATE: It happened again today (day after initial post was written)! "I think you dropped something, miss. You dropped your halo!" What in the flying fuck is up with this? A viral marketing campaign by Beyonce? I need to get to www.ninjathrowingstar.com, STAT!